Chivalry

Hello.
Is chivalry dead and buried? Does chivalry matter to men anymore? Is it so hard for a man to be a gentleman? Here are some of my favorite acts of non-chivalry:

Douchebag #1:
My roommate's younger sister was invited to a frat party this past weekend. The party was in New Orleans on Saturday night. First off, the little frat rat waited until the day of the party to call her and second, he asked her if she had a ride to New Orleans! WTF? My roommates younger sister is gorgeous and she did not like the guy, but HELLO! at least make an effort! He was lucky she even agreed to go to the party with him. I'm glad (and I'm sure she is glad) I wasn't around when that little tool picked her up...

Douchebag (move) #2:
Cussing at your lady. There are several situations I could refer to here, but I will let those fellows and situations remain anonymous. Throwing around cuss words at your lady makes you look like a douche. Being rude to a lady in general is just douchey. Just don't do it.

Douchebag #3:
Chris Brown, enough said.

Douchebag #4:

Spencer Pratt, too much said.

Is it so difficult for a man to properly court a woman? Open the fucking door, send flowers, make her feel special, etc. And please don't stop once you start dating! Just because you've been dating a girl for the past five years doesn't mean you can stop opening the door or start farting in bed (this is not okay, ever). The simple things go a long way. Write her a love letter or a sweet poem for goodness sake. The power of a handwritten note or letter is often overlooked.

Thank you, bye!

George.

Hello.

Why is it that men get better looking with age and women don't? Men peak in like their 40's, while women peak much earlier. Somethin' just ain't right about this. All of you now know I have a crush on Nick Jonas, but way before Nick Jonas there was George. The George.

Nick Jonas probably wasn't even born when I had my first celebrity crush. In middle school, maybe even as far back as elementary school, my mother, Barbara, who I will refer to as "Barb," started watching a little television show called E.R. I don't remember much of anything from that show, but I do remember Dr. Douglas Ross. George Clooney. The sexiest doc I've ever laid eyes on. To this day I still think about George. His voice, his hair, his eyebrows, lips, ahhhh he is just unreal! I also think he is a bit of a bad boy, which I like. His play boy lifestyle mesmerizes me. I was very happy to hear that he broke up with that moocher, Sarah Larson. Woof.


George is the finest of wine. He gets better and better and better with age. I'm not into older men, but George could sway me. On the Today Show this morning, there was a segment about how 40 is the new 20 for women. Bullshit. They say 40 is the new 20 because of hot celebrity women that can afford botox on a weekly basis! For the rest of us women, 40 is not the new 20. Dream on sistas. I'm a realist and realistically, the majority of us peak in our late 20's/30's. I really wish it were the other way around. I wish men would peak early and then get FAT and BALD. I know some men do get fat and bald, but a lot get hot. For example, George Clooney (#1), George Strait (maybe its the name George?), Sean Connery, Antonio Banderas, Viggo Mortensen, Hugh Jackman, Jon Bon Jovi, etc.

Please note that I do not like to date young boys (Nick Jonas) or older men (George Clooney). These are notso innocent crushes! I normally date guys anywhere from 24-28 range. I would go a little higher, just all depends. For now though, I wait patiently for George. I hope George reads this and we live happily ever after on Lake Como.

Thank you, bye.

(George likes pugs! Awwwww.)

Living in Sin

Hello.

My grandmother, Belita, is a firm believer that a couple should not live together before marriage. I shouldn't even use the term "firm", she is hardcore. One time during a visit to her house I asked her, "What do you think about living with your fiance before marriage?" She quickly responded with this, "OH NO! YOU CANNOT DO DAT! What if you break up with dat one guy and den your next fiance know you do dat? Oh no." This got me thinking, is living with someone before marriage a mistake?

If you know me, you know I've never been close to marriage, not once. The longest relationship I've ever been in maybe lasted a year or a little over a year. I've never lived with a man or a boyfriend. I really have no desire to live with the opposite sex either. I think as long as a couple is engaged or just dating, they should have FREEDOM! You have your whole life to live with one person, live it up while you still can. Belita brought up another point during our "living in sin" discussion. She said to me, "If you live wit'd a boy before you married, why is he going to want to marry you?" Point for Belita. I mean why would a guy want to marry you when he can have his cake and eat it too?

My beautiful sister, Ashley, and I differ on this subject. Ashley is a few years older than me. She is not married either. Ashley thinks that you should live with someone before marriage so you can see how they live. This is not a bad point, but my argument is this: if you are engaged to the poor schmuck, don't you think by that point you should know how the guy lives? Can't you just spend the night a few nights a week to see how the dude lives? I think so.

The statics on this subject are quite interesting. Here are some I read:

• Just over 50% of first cohabiting couples ever get married.*



• Living together is considered to be more stressful than being married.* (F that).



• In the United States and in the UK, couples who live together are at a greater risk for divorce than non-cohabiting couples.*

I'm going to agree with Belita on this one. I will not be cohabiting before I get hitched.

Thank you, bye.
(*http://marriage.about.com/od/cohabitation/qt/cohabfacts.htm)

TGIFF

YaRd PiMp

Hello.

My grandfather, Belo, is a YaRd PiMp, yiggity yo. The majority of you reading this probably have no clue what a yard pimp does. He is a translator for Mexicans that own a landscaping business. Before you get offended please know that when I say "Mexicans," I say it with the utmost respect. I was offended one time and asked Belo, "Why do you call them the Mexicans?" He responded with this, "That is what they are, they are Mexican." I then asked, "Well would you be offended if someone called you the Cuban?" He proudly snapped back, "NO! That is what I am, I am a Cuban."

Belo has a very strict daily routine. He does the same thing day in and day out. A couple times in college I lived with them, 6 months here, 6 months there. One night I asked him politely if he would mind depositing a check for me at my bank (please note my bank is approximately 5 minutes from his house). His response was this, "Oh no, I have sooo much to do tomorrow." His accent is even thicker and more Cubano than Belita's. I said, "Oh really? What exactly are you doing tomorrow?" I'm not exaggerating, this is exactly what he said, "I have to wake up, I have to go outside and water de plants, I then have to go inside and make espresso, after I drink my espresso I have to go back outside, outside I have to blow de driveway, then I have to go back inside and shower (remember his shower routine takes 2 hours), after de shower I have to go to de store to buy strawberries, after de store I have to check de mail, I don't have time to go to da bank." Then he started complaining how one time he had to change my cousins tire??? The man cannot stand to go out of his comfort zone or routine. Amazing.

Back to the yard pimp, one time I came into the house and he was on the phone with a customer of the Mexicans. He takes instructions, directions, etc. and then he instructs the Mexicans what to do. I use to worry about him being bored during the day but Belo has plenty to do! He loves telling stories of how he translates for them. The Mexicans charge my roommate and me only $30! My grandfather proudly says its because "You are my granddaughter."

So if you need your yard to be pimped, holla!

Thank you, bye.

Jonas Brothers

Hello.

I have a crush. A big crush. An illegal big crush. On Nick Jonas. Did I mention he is the youngest of the three Jonas Brothers? If you would have asked me 2 months ago who the Jonas Brothers were, I wouldn't have had a clue...

This is all SNL's fault. I was watching SNL (by myself) one Saturday Night and the Jonas Brothers were the musical guests. Just great...

In the beginning of this SNL episode the Jonas Brothers did a skit with the guest star that night, Alec Baldwin, I still didn't think anything of those 3 brothers. Then it was time for their performance. They started playing and I fell in love. I had no idea how old they were, but I knew they were youngins. So during SNL they played a couple of songs. I grabbed my computer and decided to do a little "Brother's Research." What do I find out? Nick is 16 (SIXTEEN)! His birthday is 9/16/1992! My birthday is 9/18 just a few years difference...

(*Nick is on the far left)

SIXTEEN, SIXTEEN, SIXTEEN! How can this be? Let me justify this crush 1) he does not look 16 at all; 2) he is ripped, what 16 year old has those arms?; 3) we are both virgo's and 4) he is deep, just listen to his lyrics. Here is a little taste from their song Burnin' Up:

I'm slippin' into the lava

And I'm tryin' keep from goin' under

Baby, who turned the temperature hotter?

'Cause I'm burnin' up, burnin' up for you baby

C'mon girl

Deep right? Puttin' N*sync and Back Street Boys to shame.

They are on their World Tour right now and guess what? They are coming to NOLA 8/15/09! I have to go, front row. Tickets go on sale Saturday. Wish me luck! If anybody can hook a sista up, let me know.

Thank you, bye.

Castro's Designer Escapes

Hello.
I went to my grandparents house on 3/25/09 for dinner. I usually try and go eat with them once a week. I arrived at their house around 7:15 p.m. As usual they were watching Telemundo. I do not speak Espanol, I can pick up on some words, but watching Telemundo ain't what I call a "fun night." Until 3/25/09 that is...

Fidel Castro's interior designer ESCAPED! His name is Pedro Alain Gonzalez. Pedro is hiding out in Barcelona right now! My grandparents were freaking out last night! I mean what's the big deal? They told me the decorator is in "hiding" because Castro is going to have people kill him. WTF? The designer doesn't know shit other than what the inside of Castro's crib looks like, seriously. I want the real gossip! This was such a big deal on the Latino News, no lie. It was on all the Spanish news channels last night. The designer went on and on about marble in the bathroom, Raul's (Fidel's bro) classic design style, etc. Again, WTF. Tell us some real juice! I want to know the VIP scene in Havana, not the fucking color of Castro's drapes.

I'm telling you the designer doesn't know anything interesting about the Castro's, nothing. My grandparents said it's a big deal because no Cubans really know how the Castro's live. For a third time, WTF? How can they not know how extravagantly the rulers of their Country live? What leaders of any country live like the "commoners?"

If you want to know more tune in to Maria Elvira on Mega TV (a Spanish channel).

Gracias, Adios.